Fiend! No twisted strumpet such as thee shal ever lay hands upon my carpet-sucking device, to lead it by one trusting hand down the road to damnation and cleanliness. To even contemplate such grievous wrongs makes my bowels writhe in a horror undremt of by Poe and his ilk.

Indeed, there can be no other response, no series of words stern and cold enough to rival these: yeah, sure.